Facebook Funnies!

I went through my facebook account from last year and copied all the funny stuff I want to remember.  One of the things I love about facebook is how easy it is to pop on and type out something hilarious a kid just said or did.  Maybe I do it too much, because yesterday I laughed at something Ruth said, and Elisabeth piped up, "Mom!  You've got to 'face' that on facebook!"  

Why does a child who does not hesitate to pick up gooey freshly squished spiders think a gooey glop of cheese that dropped off his plate is too gross to touch?

My daughter is loudly singing "Away With the Manger!" Gonna have to correct that one!

Quote for the day: "I like to wiggle my toes together when they are clean." (Ruth, 8 yrs old.) so many people are posting wonderful, life-changing quotes, I thought I'd include one that made me stop and think about the deep things of life.

A child in my house was heard belting out, "Who wants a friend like the lonely Jesus? No not I! No not I!" Oh, my word, we need to work on theological education!

Yesterday the toilet backed up, and I had to plunge the daylights out of it to get it back in "running" condition. Today, my son came to me in tears, asking me to get his favorite underpants back.

Yes. These two items are related.
 
 

My law of children: Children are not naturally makers of neat places, but they are drawn to neat place. They are drawn irresistably to neat places, with their minds filled with all kinds of plans about what to do with the neat places. None of these plans involve neatness.

Sticky mouse traps. I have not caught any mice, but I have caught my dog, three of my children, and my foot. The dog finds where I put them, and she drags them out and leaves them for us to step on. When she steps on them, she slaps around the house like she's got flippers on her feet.

I'm getting pigtails put (ouch) in my (ouch) hair by a five year old.

There is a stripey blue and yellow frog hopping around the house and saying, "Wibbit! Wibbitwibbitwibbt!

No mother enjoys hearing this from their three-year-old:

"Um, mom? I get the toe-lit, um, bigger. Yeah. It's bigger..."

Something I never expected to say as a mother: "R___, we do not suck oatmeal with a straw."

This morning David woke up and attempted to give me a kiss right away. "Oh, Mama! You lip smews YUCKY!"

Conversation from my house today
David: "Mommy, my thtummik thez 'gimme a thandwich!'"

Me: "Tell your thtummik it needs to learn to say pleath!"

Apparently he thinks bad manners are acceptible if they are vicariously acted out through a third party. (thtummik)

The little bench is a little heavy, I won't deny it. But it is not too heavy to pull out of the corner I put it in, turn upside down, and use as a motorcycle for a small body, and then leave at the bottom of the stairs for me to trip over. It is apparently way too heavy, however, for that same small body to drag back to the corner, turn right side up, and put away.

Heard in my house today: No David, do not chew on the table.

Heard in my house today, singing: "Superclalafradulisticexpialid​otious! Even though the sound of it is something HALITOSIS!"

They make me laugh, thought I'd share.
 

Heard in my house today: (earnestly) "A infinito! Y máth allá!" Translation:  To infinity! And Beyond! (with a lithp)

So I was knocking doors for the church today and a grasshopper jumped on my foot. My young soulwinning partner told me she likes them fried with lemon. That's a first for me!

Heard in my house today:
Me, sending Elisabeth on a mission-"Quick! Like a bunny!"

Elisabeth, hopping away-"Ribbit! Ribbit! Ribbit!"

Me-"That's a frog, not a bunny!"

Elisabeth-"Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit!"

I noticed part of my son's ninja outfit hanging out from under his cloths after we had arrived at Bible club this morning. Luckily, no-one was hurt by the undercover ninja attending class, and the his secret identity remained intact.

My kids are playing with a jalapeno. It is quite amusing.

So I just found the hairbrush and comb that was missing. Both were filled with plastic pony hair. Suspicious.

Well apparently the doctors have it all wrong, and all you have to do to make a sick, feverish child feel better is feed it marshmallows every now and then!

Note to self: scratching eyes, nose, or ears after cutting serrano peppers is a very, very bad idea.

Necessary qualifiers: "Elisabeth, go wash your face and hands."
"With my skirt?"
"NO!"
"With my tongue?"
"NO!"